rebelracewriter Posted September 19, 2003 Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 I got this E-mail yesterday and sent it out to several on here already, but since I don't know everyones address I thought I'd post it. Kinda long, but pretty funny stuff. --------------------------------------------------- When we last left NASCAR Anger Management, Mr. Helton (Instructor) and Kurt were standing in the corner together while the rest of the class snuck out. Now, two weeks later, we check on the progress of the Anger Managementees......... INSTRUCTOR: Gentlemen, I have combined classes today and invited these fine officers from local law enforcement to join us in case something besides a HANS device, booties, chairs or helmets get thrown. J. GORDON: Good idea..... ALL: Shut up, Jeff! INSTRUCTOR: No more yelling at Jeff. The next person who yells at Jeff..... KURT: Has to stand in the corner? INSTRUCTOR: No. The next person who yells at another driver, taunts another driver or throws something at or hits another driver, will owe me, I mean NASCAR, $5,000. R. GORDON: Can I pre-pay? KURT: Can I just set up an account? TONY STEWART: Do you take credit cards? INSTRUCTOR: No, no and NO. Now..... HARVICK: Is there a maximum penalty? INSTRUCTOR: I don't know. We haven't decided that yet. If someone is boneheaded enough to push me that far...I could just take all your money. Now, who of you is willing to risk that? J. GORDON: I've already been through that this year. DALE JR: And you wonder why I'm still single? INSTRUCTOR: Ahem...That's enough. Today's goal, gentlemen, is to go over some rules. R. WALLACE: Would these rules be from the Nascar rulebook? R. GORDON: The one written in pencil? INSTRUCTOR: Yes W. BURTON: Mr. Helton-Instructor? Have you ever thought about using ink in that there rule book? BIFFLE: What did he say? E. SADLER: Ink, buddy. He asked if he thought about making the rule book permanent ink. BIFFLE: They can do that? HARVICK: Apparently not. DALE JR: Mike.....I mean, Mr. Helton-Instructor, why did Kevin get fined more than Jimmy? KURT: Why did I get fined at all? SPENCER: Because I never forget! INSTRUCTOR: Were you yelling, Jimmy? SPENCER: Not at anybody in particular. M. WALTRIP: At NAPA, they just sell auto parts. Nobody yells. J. JOHNSON: Mikey, shut up! INSTRUCTOR: Jimmie, write me a check. Now! 5 Grand! J. JOHNSON: WHAT?! INSTRUCTOR: Are you yelling at me? J. JOHNSON: (Pause) No. No, Sir. Who do I make this out to? R. GORDON: N-A-S-C-A-R J. JOHNSON: Uh....thanks. R. GORDON: Glad I could help. Do I get extra credit, Mr. Helton-Instructor? INSTRUCTOR: No, Robby, you don not get extra credit for acting how you should in the first place. W. BURTON: That ain't right. Where's our incentive? E. SADLER: Biffle, he wants to know what's in it for us. BIFFLE: Thanks. INSTRUCTOR: The satisfaction that you were an upstanding human being...at least on camera. M. WALTRIP: That doesn't sound very fun. DALE JR: Or challenging. KENSETH: Okay, for starters I just want to know what's the limit to showing how passionate we are about our sport? HARVICK: (snickers and wipes fake tear)...that's beautiful, Matt. Truly beautiful. R. GORDON: I do believe that's taunting, right? INSTRUCTOR: Tattling can get you fined too, Robby, so be warned. But Kevin, he's right. Check. NOW! 5 Grand. DALE JR: I feel passionate about winning and if someone causes me to fall of the pace, boneheaded or otherwise, what is the right course of action then? D. JARRETT: Get together and crotchet I suppose. K. PETTY: Have tea? BIFFLE: I can't knit and I hate tea. HARVICK: He said crochet. BIFFLE: My grandma can do that. She knit me this blanket once... HARVICK: You drive like her. Here's another check, Mr. Helton. Can I have a receipt? INSTRUCTOR: For what? HARVICK: For the accountant at RCR. INSTRUCTOR: No. This one has to come from your pocket. Tell DeLana I'm sorry (rolls eyes). Back to Junior's question. If you have a problem with someone..... HAVICK: Like Ricky...or Matt.... INSTRUCTOR: All parties involved should report to the Big Red Trailer. So if you have a problem with..... R. GORDON: Jeff Burton.... W. BURTON: What did you say about my brother? R. GORDON: I was just following along. Get off my back, cause your brother sure can't...... INSTRUCTOR: Gentlemen! STOP! NOW! R. GORDON: Did you yell at me? DALE JR: Time to lead by example again. Did you bring your checkbook? BIFFLE: Do you have Nascar checks? Where can I get those? KURT: I think it's only fair, Mr. Helton-Instructor.... INSTRUCTOR: This is different! I'm the instructor. They....they...pushed me too far! RUDD: Mr. Instructor, are you......whining? D. JARRETT: No, Ricky, I think he's going to explode, though.. HARVICK: Mr. Helton-Instructor, Sir, I think you should go to the trailer and talk this over with Mr. Darby. RUDD: You're one to talk. HARVICK: Watch it..... RUDD: What, are you going to throw your HANS device at me? HARVICK: I didn't bring it with me. E. SADLER: I have a helmet you can borrow. HARVICK: Thanks. INSTRUCTOR: That's it!! All of you.......write me a check! DALE JR: What did I do? R. WALLACE: I'm not writing you a check and you can't make me. D. JARRETT: I tell you what. I'll write you a check if you let me do my victory lap in the Big Brown Truck. K. PETTY: That's a good idea. If I write a check, can I dispense with qualifying, pass go, and collect $200.? R. GORDON: You guys! Stop! I can't stop laughing long enough to write the check. R. WALLACE: Son, nobody's writing any more checks until Mr. Helton-Instructor calms down. T. STEWART: I think Mr. Helton-Instructor needs to go to Anger Management class for Management. M. WALTRIP: All in favor, say, "NAPA!" DALE JR: Dude, hush or you'll end up writing a check to ME. M. WALTRIP: We're cool, though right? DALE JR: Yeah, man, as long as you hush. M. WALTRIP: Hushing.....now. J. GORDON: So, do we still have to write this check? ALL: Shut up, Jeff! INSTRUCTOR: No, I guess not. Gentlemen, class dismissed. Pick up your new copy of the rules concering "CONDUCT UNBECOMING A DRIVER" on your way out.....and so help me if any of you hit each other with it..... HARVICK: Don't worry, Mr. Helton-Instructor, Sir......the check's already in the mail! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonestar88 Posted September 19, 2003 Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 Reb, That was good reading.........little long......... but good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
champ1796 Posted September 19, 2003 Report Share Posted September 19, 2003 lmao, good stuff! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racerjim2 Posted September 20, 2003 Report Share Posted September 20, 2003 RRRRR funny,REB how bout those wings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
racerboy2002 Posted September 21, 2003 Report Share Posted September 21, 2003 thats one of those funny pass along to friends. that is a s storys that every one will get a kick out of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie Jax Posted September 22, 2003 Report Share Posted September 22, 2003 That's Just TFF Reminds me of my kids when they fight LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Makes ya wonder dunt it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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