NickHolt Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 Nick , Can you please post this on Texas Speedzone for Jody. I don't know how to do it. You may refer to me as the sender, I don't mind. Title it "Lesson on How to Change Oil" Thanks, Mona Oil Change instructions for Women: 1) Pull up to Express Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change. 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $1.00 Total $21.00 ========================================================== Oil Change instructions for Men: 1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00. 2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home. 3) Open a beer and drink it. 4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7) Place drain pan under engine. 8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9) Give up and use crescent wrench. 10) Unscrew drain plug. 11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in p rocess. Cuss. 12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. 13) Have another beer while watching oil drain. 14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. 15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off. 16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer. 17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener. 18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it back to Kragen to recycle. 19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday. 21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. 23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24) Remember drain plug from step 11. 25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the backyard, along with drain plug. 27) Drink beer. 28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. 29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. 30) Drink beer. 31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. 32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. 33) Begin cussing fit. 34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. 35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy. 3 6) Beer. 37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. 38) Beer. 39) Beer. 40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. 41) Beer. 42) Lower car from jack stands. 43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. 44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. 45) Beer. 46) Test drive car. 47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. 48) Car gets impounded. 49) Call loving wife, make bail. 50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money spent: Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00 Total - - $4,165.00 But you know the job was done right! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 Good one, Mona. But I thought Jody didn't change his oil. Ain't that why Keith had to send someone to Waco a while back? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiTech Posted August 13, 2006 Report Share Posted August 13, 2006 ok you male s are you scared to reply . i am you dont want to argue with a woman .even thow we have a very big answer for them .so i will just agree with them . :lol:this one just maybe history .on texasspeedzone . the ladys will get first place .is there a trophie in the makes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txtom Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Here is the poor wife using her scooter to get around while Hubby changes the oil................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txtom Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 Lets fill up...................................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
txtom Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 I like my wife to have pleanty of space on each side of her when she parks.... Cuts down on the parking lot rash...................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiTech Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 lol my wife knew two things when i met her put key in start motor .aslong as it started she was happy .i dont think she even knew how to open the hood . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoom Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 That is classic on the scooter wife. Wearing the helmet backwards. Probably didn't want to mess up her hairdo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bigfat Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 I thought I paid my dues for that already???? Thank you Mona and Nick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiTech Posted August 14, 2006 Report Share Posted August 14, 2006 bigfat your the man till someone else blows it .then youll be lost with no one talking about you .milk it for all its worth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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