debwill Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 'Twas the Night Before a Redneck Christmas (Author Unknown) It was the night before Christmas, and all through the trailer park, not a pop-top was poppin', not even Ole Blue barked. Our stockin's was hung over the space heater with care, in the hopes that Santy would fill 'em with Viennas and beer. The kids was asleep in their NASCAR pj's, Dreamin' of Goo Goo Clusters, Moon Pies, and Milkyway's. And Earlene in her curlers and me in my Earnhardt cap, had just settled into our La-Z-Boys for Wheel of Fortune and a nap. Then out in the vacant lot I heart such a commotion, I thought it was neighbor Clyde, finally got his T'bird in motion. I heaved out of my recliner and to the window I flew, Busted out the screen and hollered to Ole Blue. The moon was shinin down on my old wrecked racecars, so bright they was sparklin' like rusty old stars. And I couldn't believe by own hardworkin' eyes, when a jacked-up Chevy pickup come flyin' through the sky! Faster'n Ole Ironhead his possums they came, and he whooped and hollered and called 'em by name: "Git up Sooner! Hi Duke! Move yer tails Yaller and Spud! On Blackie! On Queenie! You mind me Duchess and Bud!" "To the top of the satellite dish! To the top of the shed! Now move it n' Step on it! Ya'll get out the lead!" You know how on our old road whenev'r a car goes by, there's all this dirt that flys up into the sky? That's how this crew went straight on up to my roof, with that pickup full of toys, a real nice gun rack, and Redneck Santa too. Then 'fore I could pop my teeth in I heerd up on the tin, the scrabbling around of them flying possums of his'n. I yanked my head back in the trailer and hitched up my shorts, Down the dryer vent Redneck Santa came with a grunt and a snort! He was dressed in red-and-green camo from his neck to his feet, and I had to give him credit he still had most of his teeth. Looked like stuff from Earlene's yard sale slung on his back, There was flyswatters an' Tupperware, an' 8-tracks stickin' out of his pack. When he winked his eye I knew fer sure he'd treat us right, why, he just might even leave me some ammo tonight! I stood there dreamin' of a whitetail while I watched him work, then he stopped and like a real man and let out a big burp. He topped off our stockin's with Moon Pies and bottle rockets, then squoze up that dryer vent like Spam in your pocket. He jumped in his pickup, laid down on the horn, And I'm not lyin', they took off with their possum tails flyin'. But I heerd him holler as he headed for the 7-11, "Merry Christmas to all! And may all rednecks get into heav'n!" MERRY CHRISTMAS - Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, YA HEAR! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HiTech Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 thats cool .... MERRY CHRISTMAS .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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